Rambling
by MewIchigoZoey
Summary: Set after Sectionals. After getting advice from Miss Pillsbury, Rachel begins to write her pent up thoughts down in a notebook...unaware of the consequences that may occur if a certain someone reads it..


**Hey guess what? I found my password to this site again XD I'm sorry for vanishing...but I'm having some major issues lately...so I dunno how often I'll be writing anymore --;....anyways. I have been obsessed with Glee ever since I saw the first episode! Was listening to the soundtrack in my iPod earlier and got this idea...now it's 2AM and I'm finally finished with this little oneshot...it's Finn/Rachel...cause they're my OTP, as are Will/Emma! .forgive me if Rachel or Finn seem OOC...I really TRIED to be in character with them but..It's my first time writing a fanfic...I mean, I LOVE to roleplay Rachel...but...roleplay and fanfic...there's a fine line xD**

**...Forgive any typos...cause like I said, It's nearly 2 AM and I just finished writing it... Overall, I'm pretty proud**

**But yeah. Just in case you didn't figure it out, this story takes place after "Sectionals". c: And after reading SO many Glee fanfics, I was inspired beyond my wildest dreams, and decided to try a slightly different style of writing...which turned out to be hard, but w/e xD**

**Please, if you like this...drop me a review? **

**You don't have to, just a suggestion...and now I'm off to bed..  
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_A young, rising star, independent since childhood, with only her two dads for support. Her goals; she must be on broad way. She's been raised with such a destiny since birth, and she believes in herself. Absolute perfection- perfect vocals, perfect choreography, perfect acting. She won't rest until she obtains it all- her competitive spirit doesn't allow her to give up, nor does she ever concede defeat. For her there is no other option. She can and MUST win, no matter what the cost. Of course, this means she has to be completely and totally focused. No distractions allowed. She can't concern herself with things such as friendships, or dating. No. _

_Letting other people in only opens the doors for distractions, as mentioned before; a simple phone call will only serve to keep her from her homework, and having company is out of the question, as too long of a stay interferes with her crucial MySpace schedule. She HAS to record and upload a new video, everyday- for all she knows a famous celebrity could be looking at her page, and if they see her videos, perhaps they'll refer her to a big shot record company, thus beginning her young career as a shining star. This is why she has to have a new video up EVERYDAY by all means. _

_Having people over for pleasure is out of the question. Not that she cares. She doesn't need anybody anyways...Besides, everybody at school thinks she's too absorbed in herself. She comforts herself by reminding herself that it's she who will be the one to make it out of this place and make something of herself, and they'll all remain Lima losers for the rest of their sorry lives, left with nothing but their broken dreams, as they watch her on the TV, living out __**her **__dreams. Best of all, she thinks to herself, is the fact that finally they'll be forced to acknowledge her by her real name, and not those cold, insulting names they've come up with to torment her. As a star, they will finally acknowledge her as the stunning young performer she truly is! _

_She could care less what they think of her now. After all, she has the best support from her two dads, and couldn't ask for any more than that. Aside from the obvious, such as feeding her, clothing her, sending her to school, etc., they do everything in their power to make her feel like what they know she already is- a star. They even go as far as to turn her room into the most bangin' recording studio on earth! Everything she needs to record her videos for MySpace from the comfort of her home. _

_They're always there with soothing words, and comforting hugs when one of her videos receives an insulting comment (usually from McKinley High's Queen bee, Quinn Fabray, and her swarm of Cheerio followers); they make her feel better with hot chocolate and stories about the time nerdy Daddy tried out for the part of the jock in the musical their school was having, only to have his house egged by the cheerleaders. Ok, not the funniest story, but...it makes her feel better to hear that and know she's not the only misunderstood being in this world. Her dads give her everything that she could possibly want...Well...almost everything. But what she wants the most, what her heart absolutely YEARNS for, not even her fathers can give to her._

_Because what she wants...is him. She wants his warm, chocolate brown eyes to gaze affectionately into her own; His strong, muscled arms holding her close to him; his soft, velvety lips on hers, whispering promises and secrets that are exclusively for her. She wants him, __**Finn Hudson**__, quarterback of the football team, and astonishingly talented male lead in Glee club. She wants him to reciprocate the feelings she's had for him all along. She wants him to __love__ her._

_Despite telling herself she was better off alone, despite the walls she's put up, she's managed to have her heart stolen by this boy...despite knowing he can never be hers, as he already has a girlfriend...or...at least he did, until a couple months ago when he found out the truth that she'd been keeping from him, resulting in him leaving her. _

_The idea of __**Finn**__ being single both thrills her and makes her feel depressed...because SHE was the one to expose the truth for him...and now she's the one paying, watching him from afar, too ashamed to say anything, or even approach him, which, while this is out of character for her, is completely and totally understandable. It makes perfect sense for her to avoid him, with how guilty she feels. She just couldn't face him, knowing how hurt he is, and how in love with him SHE is._

_Who cares if she runs into the girl's room every time she hears him nearby, and doesn't leave until she's POSITIVE he's gone? So what if she's eating lunch in the auditorium rather than the cafeteria in order to avoid running into him there? So WHAT if she's purposely avoiding eye contact with him right now?_

_(...Oh god...He IS...he's totally trying to catch her eye as she writes this...and..he's watching her with this..LOOK...that cute, lopsided half grin that drives her crazier than she'll admit...Something tells her he's going to make leaving school without noticing him very difficult...So she'll have to stop writing, so she can figure out her plan of action to avoid him today...she'll pick up on the reminiscing later..._

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Everyone is eagerly anticipating it...lunch time. This is because no matter what they can NOT be judged on it...and they get to talk and gossip! They're all waiting impatiently, already restless in their seats. Then suddenly.....

_**RING RING RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!**_

"Ok class, dismissed." The teacher's voice is nearly drowned out as chairs scrape the floor, and everybody hurries out of the classroom, their movements easily described as a wild stampede.

Heaving a heavy sigh, Rachel Berry closes the red and gold star notebook she's been using as a diary since her talk with Ms. Pillsbury about her bottled up emotions, and begins putting her stuff away in her bag so she can go to lunch. She hates to admit it, but that guidance counselor was right...she's never felt more honest and free than she does when she writes her feelings in that notebook. Now if only Finn would stop watching her so intently....she prays he's already left. Rachel really can't handle a confrontation with him right now (which is funny, since any other time it's HER confronting HIM and she's FINE. Why is that?).

A couple of minutes go by, and she's relieved not to have heard him or anything. Maybe she just dreamed up that whole thing with him watching her. Though it certainly didn't feel like it...but whatever. Rachel gets up to leave, holding the notebook tightly to her chest (she has more to write in there during lunch, so she's not putting it away just yet). She's just about to turn and walk away.

"Hey, Rach."

"Oh!" Rachel spins around quickly and drops her notebook, startled as she finds herself face to face with the very boy she was hoping to avoid. "F-Finn!" she stammers, not sure what to say. After all, aside from their duets in Glee, she's avoided contact with him completely. What is she _supposed_ to say?!

"Rachel." He says evenly, grinning slightly at her.

Oh god..it's that same grin again. THE grin! That stupid lopsided smirk that shouldn't even PASS for a smile! Why is he doing this to her?! She can feel a blush creeping onto her cheeks now, ever so slightly. Why does he have to be so cute?!

To make matters worse, Finn's noticed the way she's blushing, and he's grinning wider now! Curse him!!

Desperate to escape, Rachel takes a step backward to put some distance between them. Bad move. Her nervousness has completely caused her to forget her chair was behind her, and before she knows it, she's tripped on the stupid thing and is falling over backwards.

Just when she should be hitting the floor, however, two strong arms are supporting her; one on her waist, the other around her shoulders, and they pull her back. Back to her feet- and into his chest. "You should be more careful, Rach.."

"Err..yeah...thank you." Rachel says, her words failing her for once.

"Anytime." Finn mumbles, his voice barely loud enough to be heard. He makes no move to let go of her, and after a few seconds, Rachel begins to feel uncomfortable.

"Finn," she says weakly, "can you please let go now? I need to go to lunch." To her frustration (and secretly, her pleasure) he only tightens his grip, holding her closer to him than before, if possible. "Finn!" she cries, squirming wildly in hopes of breaking free. "Let go!"

"Rachel..."

"What?!" she snaps, craning her neck slightly to look up at him; a huge mistake on her part.

His eyes are clouded, grief stricken as he stares down at her, his expression resembling that of a puppy who's just been kicked by its loving master. "Rachel....we need to talk..." He pauses, as if trying to figure out how to say the rest without sounding like an idiot.

"...I know you've been avoiding me...and well...I was hoping you'd tell me why...cause, well..." he frowns, somehow managing to appear sadder than before. "It's been a couple months since the whole...you know...and..well...to be honest, I kinda thought you'd be all over me by now.."

By now Rachel's having a hard time breathing due to shock of his words, and she's trying desperately to avert her gaze, but he's not letting her, using a hand to keep her chin up, facing him. Their faces are so, so..dangerously close...She can almost taste his breath. It would be so easy to kiss him now...just a slight repositioning, and her standing on her tiptoes, and she could be tasting him.....but she doesn't.

Instead, she fights him until she finally manages to pull free from his grip, and she backs away again, this time avoiding her chair. "Finn...I.."

Before she can finish her sentence, the boy in front of her reaches out and catches her wrist, and holds it gently but firmly in his hand. "Rachel...we really need to talk about this...this game you're playing is killing me..."

"But--Finn--I--I'm--busy--"

"With what?"

"...Homework." she smiles sheepishly.

"...You're lying..." Finn looks frustrated. "I saw you. You were doing that during class..."

"No...!" Rachel blushes slightly, remembering how she went from her homework to rambling in her notebook diary. "I got...sidetracked by something else..So I have to catch up before next period, which means you'll have to let go of my hand now, like it or not."

He does, and she sighs with relief...but he doesn't move out of her way. "Ok, Rach...you can do your homework....after we have lunch and talk."

A frustrated groan escapes the brunette and she shakes her head. "No, Finn. I already told you, not today. I'm sorry, but....no..!"

"But, Rach-" Before he can figure out what he's trying to say, Rachel forces her way around him, hurrying out the door without a second glance back.

Finn just stares at the door for a minute, before heaving a heavy sigh and slumping his shoulders. "Well, that didn't go as planned..." he mumbles, looking crestfallen as he casts his gaze downward. He's surprised as his eyes lock on a thin, red and gold notebook with a star on it, and he blinks. Could it be Rachel's?

He blinks again, kneeling down and picking it up from the floor. He opens to the front page, and nods, seeing the girl's handwriting on the paper. Yep, it's definitely Rachel's. He should return it to her...If he only knew where to find her. Though she said she was going to lunch, he's not entirely sure he believes that...She hasn't shown up for lunch in 2 months now.

He's just about to close the book when something on the page catches his eye. It's his name, bolded, which makes it stand out in a paragraph...make that two paragraphs. Wait...She wrote about his smile? Suddenly he feels awkward, and closes the notebook quickly. What was he thinking, reading that? It's practically a DIARY!

Finn smacks himself on the forehead before sighing. Still...he wants to know. What was she writing about him for? Maybe this is what he needs to solve the mystery of why she's avoiding him...and this notebook could be the key to doing just that.

"Forgive me, Rachel." He mumbles, though he knows she's not going to hear him, before opening the notebook and reading the long entry, mouth twitching as he tries not to smile at her rambles about her life, her goals, her MySpace schedule.....wait. She has a MySpace account?

Thinking back, he sorta remembers her mentioning it. Sorta...but it was when they had barely met, and he still thought she was creepy. He wasn't into her then...not like he is now. Shrugging, Finn rolls his eyes at himself and goes back to reading.

* * *

"Finally....a moment of peace and solitude..." Rachel heaves a soft, relieved sigh before leaning back and taking a bite of the sandwich she had packed herself earlier that morning. While she eats, she pulls out her iPod, deciding to listen to some music. It's not like anybody is here to get upset if she decides to sing along.

Not in the mood to choose a specific song, she hits the shuffle button, and is surprised when "My Life Would Suck Without You" by Kelly Clarkson comes on. It seems such a short time ago that she and the rest of the glee club performed this song for Mr. Schuester. It actually wasn't the long ago, really.

As the first chorus comes and go, memories of her fellow glee clubbers and all the fun they'd had putting the choreography together flash through her mind; before she know it, Rachel is singing along to the second verse_. "Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye, maybe I was wrong for trying to pick a fight.."_

_"I know that I've got issues, but you're pretty messed up too..either way I found out I'm nothing without you."_

Rachel's eyes fly open (when had she closed them?) as she hears a male's voice singing along with her, and she quickly turns her iPod off, tensing up since she's already pretty sure she knows who it is. "F-Finn?!"

In response, the boy smiles brightly at her as he approaches her ever so slightly, her notebook hidden in his backpack. "Why'd you stop? You sounded good.."

That does it. Rachel knows she's blushing again. She sighs heavily and tries to ignore the heat in her cheeks as she stands and turns to face him. "How did you find me?"

"Are you kidding?!" Finn gives her an incredulous look. "I could hear you down the hallway, Rach!"

Rachel frowns and shakes her head, crossing her arms tightly across her chest. She knows, as well as he does that the auditorium is made from sound proof walls, to spare people's eardrums pain when auditions are held for anything related to singing...because frankly, some people just sound horrible. Fingernails on a chalkboard horrible. So the auditorium is sound proofed for that reason.

Finn sighs, realizing she doesn't believe him and holds up his hands in surrender. "Ok fine...I kinda...looked at your notebook and saw it there.." he says, scratching the back of his head sheepishly as he takes out the red and gold star notebook and holds it out to her.

"My diary!" Rachel feels her face go beet red and she snatches the notebook away from him as if it is a precious jewel that he stole, hugging it tightly to her chest. "......Finn..." she says after a moment's hesitation. "You didn't...you know......?"

"Uhh........" Finn hesitates. He's pretty sure she just asked if he read her diary...but at the same time, he's not sure, but the way she's looking at him is kinda telling him he's right so he nods and hangs his head slightly. "Yes...I read it...but..."

"FIIIIIIIINN!"

He suddenly feels angry. He only read the stupid thing because she wouldn't talk to him, after all! He feels his blood boil as his eyes lock on her clenched fists, her tightened jaw, and he snaps, losing his cool.

"Hey, I only read your diary because YOU wouldn't talk to me! I thought maybe it would tell me what you're keeping from me!...I don't care WHAT it was, even if you robbed a bank, even though that makes no sense...but that's not the point! .. I wouldn't care!...If you would just talk to me, I mean...!....You mean too much to me to just let this go on!"

"..............Uhhh.........." Rachel can only stare with her jaw dropped now. He's shocked her into speechlessness again, the way only he can. That...and she's pretty sure he just said a whole week's worth of dialog to her in that outburst. She's trying to form words into a reply that'll make both sense, and defend her, but Finn's not quite finished yet.

"Rachel...I don't blame you for everything that happened in the past couple of months...I'm GRATEFUL to you..cause if you hadn't told I might still be living with that over my head, I'm that dumb...But you saved me from that.." he pauses, his eyes softening slightly as he realizes how harshly he's been talking for someone who's supposedly not bitter towards her. "....I wanna be with a girl who actually cares about my feelings, and tries to help with my problems...like you do."

"....Finn..." Rachel is still rendered speechless. She wasn't expecting such a speech from the guy who doesn't consider himself much smarter than a girl who thinks the square root of 4 is rainbows. She has even more reason to be shocked...cause she's pretty sure now he's said a MONTH'S worth of dialog to her today.

Before she knows it, he's right there, in her personal space again. "..Rachel..."

She can't help but blush- he's got his hands on her waist, holding her close to him...Oh god, does that mean he read ALL her journal? Including the part about her wanting him to hold her and kiss her?! How embarrassing...having her personal thoughts exposed like that...

"I...Finn......what are you....?" She narrows her eyes at him, wondering if he's using her like he did the other times he'd flirted openly with her like this.

"I'm trying to ask you..." Finn tilts her chin up and looks down at her so they're staring at one another as he speaks. "...Rachel Berry......be with me.....be my girlfriend...cause I need you...and I want you.."

Rachel can't believe what she's hearing. She honestly thinks she's dreaming. She frowns. Maybe she is...maybe she dreamed this whole thing up...The talk with Ms. Pillsbury, the suggestion to record her pent up thoughts in a notebook, the fact that Finn READ that notebook, and followed her here...maybe it's nothing but a dream...but either way....she wants a happy ending...and Finn's offering it to her, probably wondering why she's taking so long to take it...because after all, she IS Rachel Berry, and Rachel Berry doesn't give up till she gets what she wants. And she wants him.

"Rach..?"

A small smile slowly spreads on her face, quickly widening to show her beautifully nearly perfect teeth as she stands on her tiptoes and leans in, pulling him down and kissing him softly. He responds immediately, kissing her back gently, and they stand there kissing, their embrace slowly but surely heating up, becoming more passionate.

After a couple minutes the two of them pull apart. Their breathing is labored and shallow, but they're smiling. Smiling because this is the beginning of new beginnings. Smiling because this time around, when they kissed, it was for the right reasons..there was nothing wrong about it...they weren't hurting anyone else by being together, and there was no fear of anyone catching them.

"That kiss better have meant yes.." Finn smirks at the girl in his arms.

"Do you honestly think I'd kiss you if I was saying no?" She smirks right back, and he blushes sheepishly.

"Guess not..." he says awkwardly, but his expression is happy.

All they can see right now is the other...nothing else exists...and just by staring at each other, they're saying so much, without so much as one syllable leaving their lips... It's like they're locked in a trance. A lover's trance. This feels so right...nothing can ruin this moment for them...nothing.

_**RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!**_

Both teens nearly jump out of their skin as a loud ringing brings them back down to earth, and they frown.

_'I knew it...I WAS dreaming...I'm gonna wake up any minute now and turn off my annoying alarm clock...' _Rachel closes her eyes and braces herself before opening her eyes again a few minutes later. To her surprise, Finn is still there, giving her one of his trademark clueless, yet somehow still adorable stares.

"...Rach...? Ya feeling ok...?.."

She just frowns at him and closes her eyes again. Ok, waking up is going to be harder than she thought. It's not until she feels a tug on her arm that she opens her eyes this time...but it's still the Finn she dreamed up, tugging on her arm. "Rachel, c'mon, we're gonna be late for class!"

She is about to yell at him, tell him to shut up so she can wake up and realize this entire lunch period in the auditorium was a dream, but she stops herself and stares at him. "Class...?"

"Yeah...the bell just rang...didn't you hear it?...Do you feel alright?" Finn frowns at her. "Maybe you should go to the nurse...c'mon, I'll take you..."

"Ah, no, Finn!-" Despite her protests, Rachel finds herself walking to the nurse's office, her small hand in his larger, calloused one.

She keeps walking and sneaks a peek at his face, finding it clouded with worry, undoubtedly for her...but despite this, she can't stop a wide smile from spreading across her face, because now she's realized- it wasn't a dream...For once she's not going to wake up and sob into her pillow, grieving over what should rightfully be hers...because now...it is...he is...They are together now as one...and all because he went and read her stupid diary.

She's really going to have to find a proper way to thank Ms. Pillsbury one of these days...


End file.
